Bittersweet: A Mixed Media Collage Series

Bittersweet

A series of mixed media collages

The cognitive process of retrieval refers to the inner workings of the brain in which stored memories are brought to consciousness. As we age, the cognitive process in our brains that creates, stores, and retrieves memories often degrades to the extent which oftentimes cannot be reversed. 

In this series of work, I’ve used images that were collected from estate sales that would have otherwise been thrown away. I’ve used scraps of paper and fabric to build layers and create negative and positive space to represent the tangible and intangible moments and feelings that are associated with our memory. I created this series to not only build narratives and preserve the moments in these photographs, but to place a narrative on my own nostalgic longing. 

Most of my life, I have been fascinated by my own nostalgic feelings. Nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.” This feeling is often referred to as a bittersweet longing for what once was. Sweet because for a moment, you can relive those meaningful memories, and bitter because we recognize that they will never truly return.  As time passes, our memories of the past are often idealized, and as we retrieve these memories, bits and pieces of these moments, places, and people fade. In my work, some figures are recognizable, and some have their faces or distinguished features washed away. This is a nod to how our nostalgic memories are often idealized or unclear. 

As this series evolved, I was inspired by my grandmother, who at age 94 was diagnosed with Dementia. As the matriarch of our family, my grandmother has always been the thread that holds us all together. As this disease progresses, I have witnessed my once independent, sharp, agile grandmother become frail, confused, and dependent on others for the first time in her life.  This series is interested not only in memory and nostalgia, but the topic of transition as well; specifically to bring forward the nostalgic feeling of what once was conflicting with what is in the present. I have used threading in my work to represent a physical link to the relationship between the past and present, and, perhaps, to represent my grandmother.

As humans, we long for stability. Change can threaten our sense of stability, and nostalgic yearning for the past is often present during a time of transition. In my work, I use organic, soft shapes to represent the ebb and flow of our personal sense of stability during times of change and transition. 

I want the viewer to look at my work and feel a sense of nostalgia. I want the viewer to create a narrative; perhaps it’s the narrative of their own personal memories, or to build a narrative based upon the images and old belongings of the strangers in my work.